Death of Pete Seeger

(May Day, 2032)

America’s venerable folk singer, Pete Seeger, passed away yesterday at the age of 123. Seeger had never expected to die, but caught cold Jan. 16 at an all-night vigil in Siberia for disrespected former comrades. He was rushed back to his home in Beacon, NY, where his family made an announcement inviting everyone who had ever been influenced by him to Beacon for a final goodbye. The unprecedented number, exceeding the U.S. population, put a strain on the little upstate NY town that had not been seen since President Chelsea Clinton’s wedding in nearby Rhinebeck in 2010.

The great weight of the U.S. population (almost a half billion grossly overweight people) concentrated in Rhinebeck had an unexpected effect on world climate by actually adjusting a critical tectonic plate so as to redirect the gulfstream, with beneficial effects both to glaciers and to the rainforest, as well as altering the sea floor of the Gulf of Mexico, finally shutting off a 23 year-old leak caused by U R Us Corp., then known as BP.

Seeger’s reaction to the climate change was delight, writing three songs including “I Told You So”, and the rousing duet hit with Barbara Walters, “The View from 122”. His revitalization led to yet another all-star tribute event, “Big Folk King Deal XXVII” in Las Vegas hosted by Taylor Swift.

As Ms. Swift and Justin Timberlake led the crowd singing “Which Side Are You On?” Seeger was heard to say, “I’m out of here,” and left this earth. A better place.

Bless you Pete, it has been great having you here!

— Pete Wernick
written in 2010, offered here in hopes it will be appreciated in a fitting spirit.